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May 18, 2020 2 min read

In my experience as a sex worker, I have come across a number of people who believe that sex is only satisfying if orgasm is achieved. If we finish an incredibly fun romp between the sheets but my client hasn’t had an orgasm, I always check in with them to make sure that they are happy with the service received and if there is anything else they would like during our time together.

Unfortunately most sex that is represented in film and television concludes with the "grand finale" - the man's orgasm, the money shot, the fireworks! This unrealistic depiction of sex fails to take into account a number of different factors that impact us in real life, and all the different ways we experience sexual pleasure.

The human orgasm is delicious but sex without orgasm should never be seen as a failure. Placing high expectations on your partner to get you off and not communicating your needs effectively is one of the quickest ways to have a bad time in bed.

When making their initial enquiry, some clients ask me how many times they’re allowed to cum with me. I always find this question difficult to answer, because it is entirely dependent on our individual bodies and what is affecting us at any given time. Some people are going through hormonal changes which impact on their ability to orgasm, others are on medication, sometime folk are simply too nervous to let go, and others can only orgasm in very specific ways.. the list goes on!

We can do our best to help you achieve your goal but it is important not to blame yourself or the sex worker if things do not go according to plan. I always communicate with the client to determine what their expectations for the booking are and if they have anything in particular they want to focus on. If someone wishes to get off during our time together and they know what they need to achieve that, brilliant!

There’s nothing better than a client knowing their body and communicating their needs clearly with me. However, if someone says they’re just ‘looking for a good time’, I then need to ascertain whether that ‘good time’ is orgasm-focused or if they’re keen to explore sex and bodily pleasure in a different way, without any pressure.

Personally, I love it when people discover joy in sex that isn’t necessarily orgasm-centred. Engaging in a flirty role-play scenario, enjoying the sensuous ooze of a good bodyslide, making out like naughty teenagers, experimenting with pinwheels and blindfolds, playing a cheeky game of naked twister.. These are all terrific activities for connecting sexually and expressing yourself in a way that is incredibly fulfilling.

If an orgasm happens naturally, that’s amazing, but the key is to not put pressure on yourself or your partner. Enjoy the sexual journey and let yourself relax. A whole world of sexual pleasure awaits you.

- Tash Murphy

Tash Murphy is an adult industry professional based in Melbourne. She has a background in adult retail and currently works as an independent escort. Tash loves sex-positive slogan t-shirts, Brooklyn 99 and searching for the perfect cronut. You can find Tash on Twitter at @tashmurphy_au.

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