Can My Vibrator Make Me Numb Forever?

Are these devices designed for pleasure actually doing us harm? Will they cause nerve damage? These are the concerns of a number of people who use vibrators (or who are thinking about using a vibrator), and this concern is being monetised by businesses to sell non-vibrating pleasure products or self-help courses to those people.

What’s been interesting to observe is the way this push towards crystal dildos (often referred to as wands or yoni wands) often ends up perpetuating the myth that vibrators can, and are, doing your body (and your psyche) damage. Some even go so far as to frame vibrator (over)use using the addiction model, which is, frankly, absurd. 

It’s worth noting that these businesses tend to promote almost exclusively towards women and in deeply cis-centric ways.

I’ve even seen the claim that your masturbation tools should more closely mimic the sensation a vagina has from penetration with a penis, because otherwise you aren’t only failing your self-sex life, but your partnered sex life as well! Who knew that your self-pleasure had anything to do with anyone else?

Yoni wands, like jade eggs, herbal steaming and all the other Goop-approved natural sexual health and pleasure tools are promoted to women as a way for them to be in touch with their sensual, female nature, and to experience personal empowerment.

The basic idea is: vibrators can only deliver quick orgasms, quick orgasms rob you of your ability to slowly and sensually make penetrative love to yourself, and slowly and sensually penetrating oneself with a crystal wand is the superior way to masturbate.

It’s also interesting that these approaches to sexuality seem to hark back to outdated, paternalistic attitudes to women and sex. It reminds me of the Freudian belief that a clitoral orgasm was distinct from, and inferior to, a vaginal orgasm (Freud dictated that clitoral orgasms were 'infantile' and informed by ‘penis envy’, and vaginal orgasms were what women should aim for).

Basically, this doesn’t feel like any kind of sexual empowerment. It feels regressive.

Now, don’t get it twisted - I love dildos. Dildos made from firm materials can provide satisfying internal massage and stimulation, and there ain’t nothing wrong with penetration if that’s your jam.

But they aren’t superior.

As far as the physical experience goes, there isn’t any evidence that suggests a dildo made from crystal is going to feel inherently better than one made from steel, glass, ceramic or stone does. That most crystal toys are porous is also something to consider, as porous toys are more prone to harbouring bacteria and generally being harder, if not impossible, to thoroughly clean. Whether the crystal component adds a spiritual or mystic element will come down to the individual user. But as anyone who ever stuck more than a pinkie into the waters of witchcraft will tell you, the tool itself is always less important than the intent behind it. So at the end of the day, your crystal yoni wand does not guarantee you a more spiritual or enlightened experience than the one you might have with a stainless steel wand. And if someone is telling you it does? That’s just a sales pitch.

As for the claim that vibrators desensitise our bodies, and can create permanent numbness or nerve damage? There is also no evidence to support that claim.

I’m fortunate to know many amazing sex educators and therapists, so I reached out to my friend and colleague Louise Bourchier MPH to get her take on the issue. Louise is a sex educator who’s passionate about sex positive sex education for everyone. She has presented workshops for adults on a range of sexual topics, including leading a number of Nikki Darling workshops in Melbourne.

Louise, can using a vibrator cause nerve damage?

No. Using a vibrator does not cause nerve damage. Phew! So keep enjoying it. If you have just had a session using a strong vibrator it might feel like your clit is a bit numbed out and not as sensitive to touch with fingers or a tongue, but this will pass and the sensitivity will return.

Does using a vibrator make it harder/impossible to orgasm without one?

No. Well, sometimes...

Using a vibrator is a great way to orgasm. For many people it is the only way they orgasm. So if you like or need vibration to bring you to climax, then stick with what's working and enjoy it. There's not shame in using a vibrator. If you find it hard to orgasm without a vibrator, it may have nothing to do with vibrator use, you just might need that kind of stimulation.

The reason why vibrator use can sometimes make it more difficult to orgasm without one, is that your body can get used to it. It's not that your clit is damaged, it's just that your body can get into the habit of responding to a particular type of stimulation: in this case vibration. The body can get used to only orgasming from any kind of stimulation you get into a habit of using, rubbing the clit in a particular way with a particular finger, or only orgasming when you are in a particular position, there are all sorts of habits we can get into sexually. So if you only use a vibrator to orgasm, your body might get into the habit and forget it can climax in other ways. By mixing up vibrator use with other kinds of stimulation you are more likely to be keeping your orgasmic options open.

Is it wrong to prefer using a vibrator to other methods of stimulation?

Absolutely not. A vibrator is a great tool in your sexual tool kit, use it as much or as little as you want to. Using a vibrator with a partner can be great fun too, why not go toy shopping together for something fun you can use together in the bedroom.

What should someone who is concerned about their vibrator use do?

Here are a few suggestions if you are concerned about your vibrator use:

Worried you are losing your ability to orgasm in other ways? Instead of grabbing the vibrator straight away, take your time to build arousal through touch or other stimulation methods first before reaching for your toy. Try mixing up your stimulation methods. And remember if you are happy using your vibrator every time you want to orgasm that is totally fine.

Worried a partner might not want you to bring your vibe into the bed? Sometimes a partner can feel like a toy is a threat or replacement in bed. If you want to use a toy with a partner make sure they know you want to use it with them, and that it's not a replacement, just an add-on. Going toy shopping together allows you to choose a toy together that you're both happy with, and it can be lots of fun.

Worried you are spending too much time using your vibrator? There's no such thing as too much sex, too much masturbation, or too much vibrator use. In rare cases people may develop compulsive sexual behaviours that are disruptive to their lives, but as long as you're still getting enough sleep, still going to work, and still keeping up your social and family commitments, you can spend as much time as you want with your vibrator!

Written by Lauren Clair. Q & A answers provided by Louise Bourchier.